oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
