Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
