i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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