We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
