There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
