you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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