You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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