Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
