Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
