bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
