i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
