U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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