...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
