you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
