this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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