Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
