You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
