I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
