You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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