he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
