Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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