just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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