why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
