this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
