You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
