Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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