Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize