New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
