Already got asked if we're dating
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
