I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
