I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
