I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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