hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
