Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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