Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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