I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
