Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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