vagina is talking i cant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
