I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
