____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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