If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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