If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
