every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
