I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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