why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
