Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
