are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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