this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
