U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
