just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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