Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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