You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
