guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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