apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
