I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
