Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
