Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
