Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
did i just pee glitter
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
