think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i love accidental penises.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
