I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
