Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
