This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
