Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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