bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
