Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
