Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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