so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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