I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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