U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just cropdusted the office
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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