he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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