I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
